Trying times call for Psalm 23: so comfortable, comforting, and completely beautiful.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
I suppose that we have to trudge through the valleys to get to the mountain top.
And I’m wearing my hiking boots.
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Long weekend
I just got back from another weekend in Michigan. This time I was on the other side of the state visiting Nick’s family. We just got back to Columbus a few hours ago and I’m heading back to Lexington tomorrow morning for class.
I had an incredible weekend. Friday, we went to see Nick’s dad in Royal Oak (near Detroit) and ended up watching the Red Wings lose at a local bar. That was sad…I feel like the city of Detroit deserves a little pick me up right now, even if it comes in the form of a sports victory. [As an aside, the state of Michigan is worse than I've ever seen it, as far as the economy goes. It seems like everyone you talk to has either been laid off or is close to someone who has been. We drove by business after business that had closed its doors and I don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel right now. Very sad.]
Saturday, we headed up to Clio (near Flint) to Nick’s aunt and uncle’s house. They raise cattle and I had the privilege of watching Nick’s uncle perform an artificial insemination on one of the cows. Very strange, gross, and interesting all at the same time. Nick posted a bunch of pictures on his Facebook page, if anyone’s interested. Just don’t look at them while you’re eating.
Yesterday, I went with Nick and his cousin Ryan to a poker room in Clio and watched anxiously as they tried to win money. Ryan had some bad luck, but Nick seemed to be doing okay near the end of the night. At one point, he was up over 200 dollars, but in a couple of disappointing hands, he lost nearly all of it. Fortunately, he came out sixteen dollars ahead of what he started with, so the night wasn’t a total loss. I love to play poker, but not in that type of environment. People take it way too seriously and play with way too much money. If I lost 200 dollars at a poker game, I would be sick for a week. I mean, that’s a Coach bag, or getting full highlights done, or a Palm Pre. Not worth it to me.
Tomorrow it’s back to the grind.
Our 4-week summer session ended on Monday and ever since then, I have been celebrating precious time off. Our next term starts on the 15th, so there isn’t much time to be had, but I’m trying to make the most of it.
In some crazy twist of fate, Nick finished his boards (USMLE Step 1) last Friday so he has a light schedule for the next few weeks as well. We NEVER get time off together (except maybe at Christmas), so this is a monumental occasion. I’m up in Columbus right now, actually. Nick has training at the hospital this week, but it’s just during the day and the best part is, he doesn’t have any homework to worry about at night.
He was so cute this morning getting ready. Since he is seeing patients this week, he has to dress up. So he put on suit pants and a tie and topped it off with his white coat. Very handsome. 
It’s strange to see him dress up to go to school, but I like it. I told him that he “exuded power” to which he replied, “well I’m really the lowest man on the totem pole right now”. But it won’t be like that for long.
When I worked at the hospital in Virginia, I remember talking about the “short coats” (med students) with the nurses. Mostly, I remember that they commonly looked very awkward and like they weren’t quite sure where they were supposed to be or what they were supposed to be doing. Now that Nick is going through the same thing, I am starting to realize with a certain amount of terror that just a year from now, that’s going to be me! I’m going to be the deer-in-headlights short-coat PA student just hoping against hope that I don’t screw up horribly and maim some poor unsuspecting patient for life. Deep breath. If other people have done it, I’m sure that I can too.
I’m pretty glad that I don’t have to do any rotations with Nick, for 2 reasons:
1. The man is ridiculously smart and I’m sure I would look like an idiot next to him.
2. I tend to be somewhat competitive with him, and I don’t think us working together in any capacity would be a great idea.
Back in college, we took a cell bio class together and we were partners for a powerpoint presentation on…cystic fibrosis, maybe? Anyway, the whole thing was a disaster. I guess the presentation itself went okay, but Nick and I butted heads during the entire time we were preparing for it. Some couples can work with eachother (professionally) and end up better off for it. Others are like…hydrogen gas and oxygen, and when they get together it generates an explosion of epic proportions. (Excuse the chemistry humor…check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMB2VR0087w for clarification). That is our professional relationship.
List 1: Luxuries I Really Appreciate
Note: From time to time, I like to make random lists. So, let’s make this the first one. Feel free to comment and add your own thoughts.
1. My DVR. Not only does it record all of my favorite shows for me, it also gives me the sweet, sweet gift of time since I can fast forward through all of those annoying commercials.
2. Air conditioning.
3. Email on my cell phone. As a compulsive email checker, it helps me to know it’s always near by.
4. Netflix. It’s just so fabulous!
5. Fitness center in my apartment complex = I don’t have to drive 20 minutes and search for a parking spot just to go to the gym.
At weekend’s end…
The weekend is over, and for once, I’m happy about it. I have so many things to look forward to this week that I just can’t wait.
1. A certain game comes on Tuesday…(yes, I’m a dork).
2. I get to see Nick on Friday for the first time in a MONTH. That didn’t used to seem as long as it does now. I’m just really, really excited about seeing him (and having him be relaxed).
3. The Palm Pre comes out Saturday!!!! I’m going to be up early in line at the Sprint store since for some reason they manufactured a ridiculously small amount for the initial launch. If I don’t get one right away, I’m going to be disappointed. (Yes, BIG dork. Big, impatient dork.)
There is the small matter of a Stats test on Tuesday, but that’s more of an annoyance than anything. To be honest, I’m glad that I’m learning how to interpret statistical data because it will really help when it comes to reading research papers.
Goodnight!
Annulus
An old lady sits beside me on a park bench.
We stare at the trees in silence
as she chain smokes Marlboros.
She coughs
and I pity her lungs.
I try not to look at her or think of her,
but I cannot help but steal a glance.
To me she is wrinkles,
she is an amalgam of unfashionable clothing
worn at the knees and elbows.
She is liver spots and yellow fingernails.
She is gray hair, unkempt.
She is everything I dread becoming.
We sit and stare, still silent.
I should leave, but this woman holds an odd fascination.
So I stay and stare and wait.
I glance at her again.
She shifts, then glances back.
For the first time, I meet her eyes
and I can’t look away.
Between the penciled-in brows above and dark circles beneath,
there is life.
Unmistakable.
In this moment I see the story of all her years,
told not in decay but in the memory of creation.
In this moment she is vibrant,
she is dynamic,
she is
alive.
These eyes I see have seen
a lifetime:
four children raised one day at a time,
a thousand pot roasts prepared with love,
the last look at a brother who never returned from the war,
a husband with guilty eyes,
years of fake smiles and hidden tears,
the funerals of her dearest friends,
the legacy of grandchildren, growing older.
She looks away.
I exhale slowly
and stare so hard at the trees
that I swear I can see through the bark
and I count the rings underneath.
Summer in Kentucky
Sitting alone in the afternoon sun,
sipping on a sweet tea.
This is how I feel like I belong here
despite the accent that gives me away.
Soaking up the afternoon sun,
I make out horses across the street
strolling leisurely
within the confines of a white picket fence.
A black colt seems to catch my eye and I smile.
He seems to smile back.
By the handful, I pull up prickly blades of grass
just to scatter them across my bare feet,
the contrast of vibrant green against pale skin
reminding me of spring’s first thaw
when the earth first peeks through the snow.
Spring gave way to the long, lazy days of
heat and blue skies and sandals
more quickly than I was expecting.
Quiet suspicions that I can barely make out
remind me that soon this grass will be covered
with a blanket of crimson, orange, and gold.
But today I am
sitting alone in the afternoon sun,
sipping on a sweet tea.
On my soapbox…
I have to comment about the Daniel Hauser story and this seems like a good place to do so. For those of you who don’t know, Daniel Hauser is a 13 year old diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He received one round of chemotherapy and then his parents decided that they didn’t want him to receive any more and sought out homeopathic remedies instead.
This case makes me furious, but I will try to discuss it rationally.
I could understand his parents’ refusal of treatment if Daniel had nearly no hope of survival. From my experience working in Pediatric Oncology, I have seen firsthand how chemo can ravage a child’s body. It’s completely heartbreaking to watch a patient experience that so I can only imagine how it would feel to watch your own child go through that kind of pain. However, Daniel’s form of cancer has greater than a 90 percent cure rate with proper chemotherapy and radiation. NINETY PERCENT. Yes, going through treatment for cancer is a horrible ordeal. But if doing so will nearly guarantee that your child will live, the benefits are far greater than the risk. By denying treatment, his parents are essentially decreasing his chance of survival to zero percent and in consequence, giving their son a death sentence.
I may be slightly more sympathetic to this situation if the parents were Christian Scientists or had some other type of religious objection to the use of Western medicine. But folks, this is not the case. They allowed him to go through the first round of treatment,which tells me that they do not object to medical intervention in theory. What likely happened is after they saw the amount of suffering the chemo caused their child, they decided not to go forward. This decision is wildly irrational at best and sheer idiocy at worst. And I fear the worst…
I have seen a number of children go through chemo and come out on the other side of it with no more cancer cells in their bodies. It’s amazing, wonderful, inspirational, insert any positive adjective here. When the patients and their families hear that news, I have to believe that they have confidence that all the pain and suffering from the treatment was worth it. I have to believe that they would do it all over again if necessary. What I cannot believe is that Daniel Hauser’s parents do not understand this concept.
Maybe I’m being too harsh on the parents. After all, isn’t everyone entitled to make their own decisions? The answer: not when your decision is putting someone else’s life at risk (this is why we have laws against murder). Apparently Daniel is against receiving treatment as well, but this is much easier for me to comprehend. Children can have a hard time seeing the big picture when it comes to chemo. In the midst of daily sickness and confinement to a hospital bed, sometimes they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thus, I do not blame the boy. But I do blame Mom and Dad. This is the epitome of abuse and neglect as far as I’m concerned.
I’d love to hear your opinions, readers. Do you agree or disagree?
Looking forward…
So many things to be excited about:
1. I’m going to Michigan on Friday! I haven’t been there since Christmas and it will be great to see everyone. It’s so weird that I haven’t been on a plane since November! I got so used to flying out to see Nick every month when I lived in Virginia that I almost miss it. Almost. Well, it does beat the heck out of driving for 16 hours!
2. The Palm Pre is coming out in mere weeks. I’m a self-professed phono-phile (totally made that word up) and I can’t wait to see if it’s as amazing as all the buzz makes it seem.
3. I get to see Nick in…16 days. And by then his boards will be all over and thus, he will be blissfully relaxed.
Stats test tomorrow. Suppose I had better study for a few…
